So we decided to be tattooed
When you’re a little bit drunk
And incredibly bored,
You may make decisions
Retrospectively flawed.
And that was the case you see,
When my friend John and me,
We were going stir-crazy
Cooped up in his bed-room,
Like we must do something
Or explode with a boom.
So we decided to be,
Tattooed friend Johnny and me.
And that’s why I’ve got a heart on my ass,
Which I can just see in a looking glass
And John’s got a skull on his inner thigh,
Which says, “I’ll love Britney until I die”
On Hayling Island
We left the party early
And those stuck up, private school-girls,
Who'd made fun of my girl's accent:
Wirral tinged with Mersey's scouse.
We walked onto the shore before us.
My expectations were reduced
To little more than hope
That we would still be friends tomorrow.
But one kiss and some fumbling
Found us tumbling on the sand.
My thoughts were not romantic
On that Hayling Island beach,
When I knew that she would let me
Go much further than before.
As we lowered pants and knickers,
Felt damp seaweed next our skin,
The only thought that registered
In my teenage mind—
Was—
"She's letting. She's letting me.
She's letting me in."
And then it was all over:
My first full carnal romp.
No hearts and flowers,
No fireworks or fountains,
Just that practical, prose-like thought:
"She's letting me. She’s letting me.
She's letting me in."
How to communicate with a worm
No matter how much I tell them not to,
They still do it.
Each evening, as the sun sets and the dew falls,
They creep inside,
Under the front door, over the welcome mat
With its smiling porcupine motif,
Tiny wire-thin red worms from the compost bin.
Why do they ignore me?
It isn’t as if I don’t feed them.
I do. Strips of apple peel,
Long enough to spell my name; carrot tops;
Printed paper cartons; a feast
For any self-respecting worm.
Each evening I gather them up
In the palm of my hand and return them
To their home.
I am not sure that I will ever discover
How to communicate with a worm.
David C. Johnson is a witty and quirky performance poet, who mixes his stand-up humour with his own verse. His inspiration comes from the bizarre world that we live in combined with a wry commentary on change and progress.David has been a featured artist at poetry and literary festivals in Bristol, Cheltenham, Bath, Kingston, Swindon, Oxford, Hay Houston and Austin. He has also appeared at: Nuyorican Poetry Café, New York; Sweet Lorraine’s, New Orleans. In April 2005, he completed a three week tour of the USA. He attended/slammed and read at AIPF in 2005 and 2006.David is co-founder of Paralalia, a poetry partnership dedicated to promoting and encouraging live poetry performance and to bringing poetry to the public ear and eye in new an unusual ways. He is a multi-slam winner -Swindon Literary Festival Slam Champion 2003, Oxford All Star Slam Champion 2004, Lydney Arts Festival 2005 Slam Champion, Thornbury Arts Festival Slam Champion 2006. Runner-up in Bridport Live Festival Slam 2008. |