The Viewing

I place my hand on my car’s hood
as if it were the lid of my father’s casket.
163,000 miles or 59 years—
the timing belt like his heart
stopped, unexpected and premature,
despite efforts of other functional parts
that we’ll strip then sell.

When I stood over my father
for the last time, I wore
mismatched dress shoes
one navy, the other black,
the same style. I will never know
who noticed, I was already busy
trying to remember what he looked like.
 
This is the last time I will see the car
I talked to as if it were my father—
my four-horse-powered confessional,
where I admitted to sins,
while doing ninety on 87
each morning on my way to work,
hoping for my father’s pardon.

We came here to take what is usable,
see my car one last time, say goodbye.
As my husband removes the tires,
I rifle through the interior,
as if invading the dead’s closet.
I come across a claw hammer,
I forgot my father placed under
the passenger seat for my protection
the day he helped me pick out this car,
then I walk around the front so I
can write R.I.P on the dirty windshield.

Forgiveness

We wait for our daughter
to fall asleep,
so we can finish arguing.
The rain hits the roof first.
She rolls over, reaches out
in search of one of us,
lightening, silence.

I count:
One—lawnmower, you left outside.
Two—lid, I left off the sandbox.
Three—car windows, you left down.

Then crack,
you tell me you can’t anymore
like rain, rain, rain,
like forgiveness
I place her wandering hand
in between ours,
so she stops stirring.
We close our eyes
and listen to each other’s fingers
billow like repenting storm clouds.

Rebecca Schumejda is the author of Falling Forward, a full-length collection of poems (sunnyoutside, 2009); The Map of Our Garden (verve bath, 2009); Dream Big Work Harder (sunnyoutside press 2006); The Tear Duct of the Storm (Green Bean Press, 2001); and the poem "Logic" on a postcard (sunnyoutside). She received her MA in Poetics and Creative Writing from San Francisco State University and her BA in English and Creative Writing from SUNY New Paltz. She lives with her husband and daughter in New York ’s Hudson Valley.